I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
