Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
