she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
