i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
