i wish my penis had a tongue
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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