I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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