Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
