God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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