grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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