We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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