So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
