Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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