her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
