When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
