____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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