thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
