she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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