I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
