I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
