I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
