just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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