It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
