I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
