I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
