After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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