GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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