then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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