I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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