Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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