my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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