If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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