i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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