She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
