Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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