so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
