Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
