Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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