dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
