his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
