Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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