I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
