At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
