If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
