I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
