She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize