hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
