I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
