I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
