Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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