he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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