Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
