you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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