I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
