Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
