That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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