dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Randomize
