ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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