I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
