Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
