You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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