So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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