we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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