What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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