No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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