Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
