Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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