...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
