just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
