I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
