I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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