Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
