my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
