she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
