I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
my poor anus
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
