my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All the doctor said was why
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
