I smell stomach acid.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
