Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
