He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
