oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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