My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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