don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
