I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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