Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
