I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
