yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
