No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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