Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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