wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
