Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
