omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
