my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
