Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
