Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
