just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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