so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
