Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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