I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
