Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Green mimosas i think yes
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
