I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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