Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
