I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
