My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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