That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
bring money and cleavage
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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