These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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