I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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