I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
