Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
