We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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