She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
