Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
