that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
