Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
