my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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