yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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