We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
