operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
